Holidork [Hol – ee – dork] - noun. Informal . a person who is unable to stop themselves from working even when on holiday. Comes from the combination of the words ‘holiday’ and ‘work’ with reference to the insult ‘dork’
By nature Hoilidork’s are guarded about their activity, they know that they should be relaxing but can’t help working – this forces the Holidork to be secretive about what they are doing.
To help spot the working holiday maker – better known as the Holidork here are the 5 defining symptoms.
1. Pre-Holiday
Along with the normal checks of tripadvisor, hotel.com and expedia. The Holidork will want to check geeky maps that show if the proposed destination has a decent data signal.
Long-time holidork’s won’t even have to check the map - they know for example that holidays to Tokelau, the South Sandwich Islands and most of Norfolk are simply a no-no (the latter for reasons that go beyond just a poor data connection).
2. On the plane
The holidork will be checking emails right up to the point where the stewards are threatening physical restraint and/or reaching to turn off the phone themselves. After which the holidork will continue to surreptitiously check for new emails even though logic, experience and science tells them that it’s impossible to get a signal at 30,000ft.
3. In the airport
Before the wheels have hit the tarmac the holidork will be checking, scanning, disconnecting and reconnecting their phones in search of the local network. The holidork will be operating safe in the knowledge that the ‘email police’ (stewards) are restrained in their own seats – the ‘crew prepare for landing’ announcement is the Holidorks cue.
Desperately hoping for the new emails and activity that they need to positively reinforce their sense of self worth. The holidork can be spotted by their initial delight with the immediate advent of a new message only to be crushed by the realisation that it is just the local networks automated ‘Welcome to…’ message. Thereafter the Holidork can be spotted through Passport Control and at the baggage carousel by their smug, relieved expressions relating to a strong data signal and the banal nature of the conversation they are having with those around them about which carrier their phone has connected to.
4. In the toilet
The combination of peace and quiet, a seated position and a believable excuse make the holiday toilet the workplace of choice for any holidork with a significant other. Whilst this symptom is more difficult to spot the holidork’s estranged partner should be able to identify toilet based holidork-ing by: the lack of any odour resulting from a 20 minute visit, an uncommon frequency of toilet trips and continued tenuous excuses relating to ‘last nights dinner’ yet no interest in seeking pharmaceutical or other professional help.
5. At all other times
Sudden crankiness, mumbling under breath, a faraway look in their eyes, all of these are symptomatic of the Holidork. The added stress of dealing with work whilst away means that far from getting away from it all the Holidork has brought it all with them. However without the context of a working day and any visible reason for the pre-occupation the Holidork can seem as if they are not enjoying their holiday – which of course they are not due to the emails they received earlier about the new expenses policy or Nigel’s email about the new project he’s leading – leaving the Holidork mumbling and obsessing about the finer details and nuances contained within them.
Brilliant minds at Harvard, McKinsey and Dilbert are busy searching for a cure…in the meantime if you spot a Holidork, first take away it’s smart phone – then strike it with a bat, put it out of its eternal misery.
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